It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
