So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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