My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize