I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
