so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
