I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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