You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
