Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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