I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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