you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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