I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
