Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
