At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
