Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize