Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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