When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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