Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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