I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish my penis had an off switch
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize