oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
