i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
