we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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