Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
