Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
