So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
