Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
