On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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