you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i think my cat just said my name.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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