lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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