it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
handjob tips. give me some.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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