im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
