oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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