Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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