i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
