I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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