I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
