you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
