I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
