is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
