I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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