yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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