Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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