Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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