first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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