He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
