It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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