Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
