is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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