More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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