"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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