THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
