you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
