you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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