what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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