You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
