You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
