What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
