It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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