he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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