mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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