i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
