Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
