Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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