I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
