Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
