i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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