I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
