I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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