He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
